Pass the Potluck
A Brief Discussion on the Origin, Relevance, and Benefits of Friendsgiving and a Guide to Celebrating the Holiday
Written by: Jesse Aduma
A couple of friends taking a walk at the beach with the ocean behind them. (kindelmedia)
Ditching Tradition for the Family We Choose
Friends having a sing-along at the beach at night time. (kindelmedia)
A Bit of History About Friendsgiving
What is this whole “Friendsgiving” thing, anyway? The quick and dirty explanation is that Friendsgiving is a more casual, friend focused take on the classic Thanksgiving celebration. It’s essentially a potluck-style gathering of your closest pals, usually right before or after actual Turkey Day.
The term is a fun portmanteau of “friends” and “Thanksgiving”—and a nod to how this tradition emerged in the early 2000s when young urbanites and college students couldn’t make it home for the family festivities. Instead of the stuffy, multicourse meal at grandma’s house, Friendsgiving is all about kicking back, enjoying each other’s company, and digging into an assortment of favorite dishes brought by everyone. It’s a more laid-back, no-pressure vibe.
An outdoor dining table decorated with fall-themed groceries and food stuffs. (rdne)
Why It Matters in Today’s Society
But Friendsgiving is about more than just an alternative to the traditional Thanksgiving bash. In many ways, it represents a profound shift in how we think about family and community in the modern age. Gone are the days when our only support system was the one we were born into. Nowadays, we get to choose our “family”—the tight-knit circle of friends who feel like home, even if they don’t share our bloodline.
For a lot of us, that chosen family is essential. Maybe you’re estranged from your relatives. Maybe you’re hundreds of miles from your hometown. Or maybe you feel like you don’t quite fit in with your family’s traditions. Friendsgiving provides a space to celebrate the connections we’ve built and the communities we’ve created for ourselves. It’s a chance to come together, share a meal, and feel that vital sense of belonging.
What’s more, Friendsgiving often brings together folks from all different backgrounds, allowing us to share and appreciate each other’s cultural traditions. That mingling of diverse perspectives and cuisines is a big part of what makes these celebrations so special. It’s a reminder that the family we choose can be even richer and more fulfilling than the one we’re born into.
So if you’ve never experienced a Friendsgiving before, get ready for an unforgettable, new holiday tradition. Gather your squad, get creative with the menu, and soak up all the warmth of the family you’ve built. Because in the end, the most meaningful celebrations aren’t the ones we’re told to have—they’re the ones we create for ourselves.
Photo of a group of friends standing around a dining table drinking wine and chatting. (fotios)
The Emotional Significance
To reiterate, Friendsgiving is about way more than just good food and quality time with your besties. This modern holiday tradition taps into our deepest human needs, giving us something that the typical family Thanksgiving sometimes can’t deliver. A lot of us struggle to find our place in the world, only to discover it within the walls of a friend’s home, amid the laughter and love of our Friendsgiving crew; these celebrations don’t just fill our bellies—they nourish our souls.
Friendsgiving also serves to provide a crucial safe space to celebrate and be celebrated, especially when our family relationships are strained or far away. Maybe you’ve been estranged from your relatives for years. Maybe the annual family drama is just too much to handle. Or maybe you’re simply too far from home to make it back for the holidays. Whatever the case, Friendsgiving gives you the chance to create the family you wish you had.
And just saying, these chosen families can be richer and more fulfilling than the ones we’re born into. I’ve seen Friendsgivings bring together people from all walks of life—different cultures, religions, sexualities, backgrounds. Instead of judging differences, these tight-knit squads embrace them, using the holiday as an opportunity to learn from each other’s traditions and life experiences.
That sense of total acceptance and support can be genuinely life-changing. How many of us have felt like outsiders, only to find our tribe at some random social gathering? Friendsgiving celebrations don’t just provide a sense of belonging; they remind us that we’re loved, no matter what. And in our increasingly isolated, screen-obsessed world, that kind of connection is worth its weight in gold.
The Psychological Benefits
The psychological benefits are just as profound. I’ve seen Friendsgiving transform lives, bringing together people who felt utterly alone and giving them a sense of community and purpose. It’s not just the shy college kid finding their people or the young professional starting fresh in a new city. I’m talking about grown adults who’ve spent decades feeling like outsiders, arriving at their first Friendsgiving with trepidation and leaving with a glowing sense of home.
There’s an alchemical magic that happens when you bring together a group of friends who truly see and accept each other. Walls come down, hearts open up, and the life-giving power of human connection shines through. Amidst the laughter, the shared meals, and the silly traditions, that’s where we find the things our family Thanksgivings often can’t provide: a judgment-free space to be our authentic selves, the safety to be vulnerable, and the comfort of knowing we’re loved, no matter what.
A group of female friends sitting in a circle outdoors having a picnic. (taylor-marx)
A Guide to Friendsgiving Ideas: Traditions, Tunes, and Tasty Treats
The great news is that Friendsgiving is all about creativity and making your own fun. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula, so feel free to get wild with your traditions!
Personally, a favorite Friendsgiving ritual of mine is the annual “Friend Awards.” We all come up with silly superlatives to hand out, like “Best Dance Moves” or “Most Likely to Burst into Song.” Sometimes these awards can get pretty “nasty,” but it’s a hilarious way to celebrate each other’s unique quirks.
Music is another huge part of the Friendsgiving vibe. Put together a killer playlist with a mix of nostalgic throwbacks, indie bangers, and festive tunes (a little Mariah Carey never hurt nobody). And don’t be afraid to bust out the karaoke machine or any instruments for a good old-fashioned singalong. Music has a magical way of bringing people together.
Of course, no Friendsgiving is complete without the food. The beauty of the potluck format is that you get to enjoy a delicious hodgepodge of everyone’s favorite dishes. Maybe your buddy makes the world’s fluffiest mashed potatoes, and your other friend brings the spiciest, most flavor-packed mac and cheese you’ve ever tasted. The key is to make sure you’ve got a good mix of savory and sweet, with plenty of options to accommodate any dietary needs. I’ve always been the designated salad bringer—never forget your greens.
Planning the Perfect Friendsgiving: Logistics Made Easy
Now, I know what you’re thinking: with all this talk of creative traditions and gourmet feasts, Friendsgiving must be a ton of work, right? Wrong! The beauty of the celebration is that it’s designed to be way more low-key and stress-free than the traditional Thanksgiving production.
Start by figuring out the basics, when and where you want to host. A lot of friend groups opt to do Friendsgiving the weekend before or after the actual holiday so that those with the privilege can celebrate both. As for the location, get creative! Maybe rotate between each other’s homes, or see if anyone has a cool loft or backyard that could work. You can even get festive and do it at a park or community center.
Next up is the guest list. Keep it intimate; you want a manageable headcount so everyone feels included. Also, be thoughtful about invites and make sure that no one feels left out. Maybe have everyone bring a plus one so new friends can join the fun.
Now for the fun part: delegating all the to-dos! Assign a point person to handle the big stuff like plates, utensils, and seating. Then have everyone sign up to bring a dish, whether it’s an heirloom family recipe or a creative fusion dish. Don’t forget about decorations, activities, and cleanup either! Those tasks are perfect to parcel out.
Remember, the key is to keep the planning simple and the vibe chill. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about coming together, sharing good food, and making memories with your chosen family. So long as there’s plenty of laughter, love, and full bellies, your Friendsgiving is guaranteed to be a hit.
